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Monthly Archives: January 2009

The end of the day. the day is gone. timed by the job interview, where i couldn’t get what the job was. timed by doing the dishes , and smoking the last cigarette of a pack i borrowed the money for. Timed by thinking , going on and off the internet , throwing out my resume, like hard candle off a fire truck, imagining the spam that will come back with each toss.
A day in the life of the unemployed. Until the day is done. with the last moments of the sun, turning on the television and trying to remember what i am to time my day with tomorrow. with things created today? tomorrow I am lucky to donated plasm. giving my blood so that the collecting vampires can over charge the victim they tell me i am “saving”. My eight donations for two hundred and fifty dollars. not bad money, except i spend it all on cigarettes and gas. With the television on I time my own life for a little while. Timed with clay being wrapped, three sculptures dried while i looked other ways, one , a man a a women sitting there knees lost together. from the clay of mankind, a second to children in more clay rising out of the earth to join their minds, and hands thinking how to balance the earth forever. The third, a piece called fantasy’s truth, A male and female, the balance of strength and caring, while strength is falling and Caring is almost dead, they try and hold each other in what looks like a last moment before they become unbalanced and fall. but they never do. his back is curved and he is over his weigh, her arm is limp, and head bent onto his shoulder. Neither could stand without the other, and the weakness is mutual. Maybe peace could start that way, we just admit we are timed and weak. I timed my whole life after work the same way, Some times it is videos, trying to create a character that reminds humanity of the spirit and the importance of feelings, some times the timed state is off one dimension. A single creation to remark on the evolution of mankind through the symbolism of a plant with a human head. or a mess of colors and swirls, pushed and pulled over the canvas, until the uncontrolled makes some slight symbol ,some “Can almost see form” peeps out of the mess. Some “if you can see me you have really looked” image which demands of the audience with a thin line of philosophy which says “look for art every where”. the time is where the time is spent. Tomorrow is a different repeat of every thing i love. and the time i spend like a criminal in the confines of slavery Taxes, and Ulititys. Guess which is which and i will give you a candy. copy-of-serious

It is the first hours, or just before, a beginning of a new year.
this last year has been desprite. I have run accrossed the usa, chased by the poverty in my soul that sought to leave behind what love was still in me. I ran and it followed. and yet. Maybe now i am dead tired of running. I am going to change again this year. I am going to change into a man with only a heart ready for life. A heart that wants life.

but you maybe say you have life. I havent been fully alive. I have been very stoned. alot. and as that was a good usage of my pain. But i know there is more. The human lovers have come and go. But i have never felt the self love i have needed. I still don’t but the new day is every day. and today is another year. And i have been changing inside. like i can expect good things to come .
It is funny more and more i see the feelings I have like I guess i have been avoiding. It is funny that if you avoid you feelings you stop seeing them. and everyday becomes some forced survival. I wish everyone could feel. I wish we came with instruction that would start in childhood. I think we have to have consciousness, a eternal energy, and then come to understand our feelings. as perspectives let us open up then once we have a stablity of eternal nature, we are clear to understand what the temporal nature has created.
I was and am created, we are continual art peices relying on our own discoveries to be alive in mind and an ever eternal learning. I may not be in great times this year. for I have not created a world comprehendable to most, I like art and so created a freedom. but i have also wanted more than i have created. I have stepped back from a commitment to being alive. this year i am going to try a little harder.
I have been working on a longer form of journalling. I even had it printed and it sits in the cupboard waiting for me to approach editing. I feel i can try and get it to a point of trying to publish it.
but i know i am still a child running through my mind is still the enertialcall. as a magazine. as a movement of writing to create connections between the consciousness and our motives in life. to create and enforce the change we have to deal with. I have been caught up in the technical complexities. Creating videos. learning html and learning flash,, next is action script inside flash. Because an idea is only as good as the creation that fosters it. A bold site that incorporates all the technology available and the avaunt-guard of art will be a popular thing. but so much goes into any business we hardly have the strength. My stupidity comes in when i think for other people , alot of people don’t have the vision when they are the money. but i have the vision and no money . so I have to work harder. We have to work harder..
It is a new year. the President coming is going to have to much on his plate. but He will foster Solar energy.. and so should you. I am going to play more. and make more videos. and learn and use what i learn on my site. that is life. oh and i created a new sculpture.. love this struggle it is yours to own.

one of my lastest

one of my lastest