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Monthly Archives: September 2009

And the day has passed no words did I write. Except these and we are into a new day. The pains of the passed day out weighed realism; what I have for what I need. Attempting to live the next month with less than I have been, it has been a good run, and I have invested wisely but now the bills come due, and yet, I am creating the skin of the teeth approach. loving an idea instead of the “held to” stability of living. I am tempting civilization to strike me down for having an idea and doing it.

It is the famed joke the aged man as myself, wanting not to wait for life. We wring it out of every moment and movement as we walk to life beyond, energy must be consumed, white or black..
I almost cried when I found out my guitar is going, the neck pulling away from the body. I almost cried thinking how I was going to pay the utility bills(80 for electric and 70 for internet and phone) , and cried cause I know that any sum larger than one hundred dollars is not going to cross my door without going out the other side for the rest of the winter. With rent and food and luxurious contraptions I can not live without, ( luxurious if you know that truth is raw and existence is an idea, Idea is faith and the material shelter is temporary and made to enforce the evil’s civilization. My house, it is Faith’s house… my door to keep out; is a separation. All doors should be open ) I will have no money for the next six month.
So I am creating with limited money, more than sustaining,, to sustain you save. bBut to create saving and be happy you, buy the products you need, The tools technology has risen to and simplified with. I have a dream to create Media and get paid.. from words, in plays and short videos, I need product,, of music, through cds and streaming, I need product, I have this nneed, from an idea, for which will get clearer and clearer as we go along. All I know is I have decided to get while I can, and there is the road to all materialism. as now is always the cross roads of tomorrow..
Time stopped for a second and I drank a shot to celebrate failure.. if only to feel the world creak a little under it’s own importance. Nostradamus said that nuclear war heads would rise from the dessert. Today Iran admitted the World body to see its nuclear labs,, and Obama, said America is not beyond the use of force.. A weak answer. Wrong ,, just like Bush,, just like the American ideal, store bought and failure builtin, with battles on more fronts then there is astrological currents, with blood of children cause they sheer numbers are the greatest since the baby boomers. . Oh no it is just about the territory running out of oil and all that free real-i-state crumbling under a thankless sun,, oh wait it is about a end of the road element of the Bible. No wait it is about the defrauding of the government by private people in the name of world control.
But you still aren’t listening so you are still aren’t pissed enough. How much will it take. To find out the system is not working. That we can be lied to by this leader and that one, who talks from ivory towers of purpose and responsibility, when we should be talking about peace through united world goals. And common respect. We have to forget so much of the past. Each evil begets… The buck must stop; in a persons life , in a world’s existence.
The buck stops here,,
I spent it,, as a utopia is
whoever is handling the propaganda.

in the end , a controling factor would Rather you be pissed and not united..angry and i can haul you off. And TEA – A – MEN
yet promises.

The day is here, I am forty four, liking the number I write. Liking the day as a gathering point of a life I like. And enjoyment seems to shift into perspectives when you are at peace with who you are.
A Day proves who you are.
And we go along. To night in lue of a real profession I step again into video. I step again on the stage , where fathoms of insecurities attack and yet, still to that I have venture a glimps at what lcould be.
I see why everyone in Hollywood is beautiful. Ugliness and mediocrity don’t film well. I am not excited. But clouds I like. So have made three seconds of video just with clouds at a cost of 140 megs.. the fill is , the computer holds. Ventrues into irrelevance by doing to much, and yet what are we not to do if we can. And so I risk the vertic which says you can not do it all. But I can approach it all. I can with small steps increase the sophistication. While understanding the larger elements and bowing to the technicqucal others, I move slowly into the mix of understanding through chaoas and simplicity. Here a video, here a creation. Here a reason. Or a theater, undominateable. And uncurable . the excesses of opinion blur, while the freedom approaches, if only you could see it lurking among the millions. How do we know the difference? We know.
This coming year I will be creating much around GI joe. Who will assume his own name ,, he will make the statement “if all is porous then all has life” the inert objects will speak. And the Enertialcall call will go out. Even if I have to act like a mad man to forward the extrememe to be washed down into democratic change.
Stay tuned, as the Joe says,
We should have a day off with pay to vote,
Mediatation should be taught in highschools.
And that preventive holistics is cheaper,, than medical insurance,
It is funny cause that makes me want to go into the health care bill and say things like..
If you really cared about Health you would start with an overhaul of the FDA. To eliminate chemically processed foods.
And Ask for interactions between the AMA and All other global medical practices,, from mediation to herbs,,
If We really cared, we would make it illegal to patent natural herbs and move to decriminalize Marijuana.

And Increase high school educations to include first year college for all.
This next year I will try and write more of the challenges down, I will muse and create more pages to match the “artistic writing” the extistential hog tie my chemically indeuced brian decided to put out.
And I swear to you . I will try and get some music into the heart of those who listen to me. With a streaming show. But know if you want to send me money, I will create so someone lets some light in ,, for the darkeness is yet to come.
We are going to have to realize much about change, disturb ourselves into voices we can not imagine right now. And rely on community more than ever, for you are not alone in your thoughts of what happens when everyone is blind.
I do this as a human, but more as an energy,, as a placement of time out of pure system, as we live to explain nature which always is.
Finding finally that to care is all it takes,
And the republic is futile for democracy is always at stake and to blame.
But simplicity agrees we want to breath.
And beware the insecure who back to the wall.
For anienct reason takes them.
Wakes them.

In that,, what hope a heartless follower?
What joes says,, community organized economic units, providing transport, dealing directly with suppliers.
For milk, ,, and other things.
Collectives before market..
From any where.
Purpose, equality in numbers. “registered non profit!!!”
These groups will be lead by Agreements.
For the determination of democracy and free market.
And I will keep writing. Without saying a thing my old illrelvent irony
I will give blood tomorrow to create a new site and get copywritten.
I am happy right now. I am happy becuace I have freely created where I am with much love from Lea and Vsictor.
People never really read this blog but them, Or atleast no one admits it. But they have done more than just read this. I wish my mother understood, and my brother
There is a feeling to explore
That only with your life can you
Adventure truly
See chirps flowers on a due lite morning after drinking all night, and knowing the answer is sleep, to know a cure and take it. Comparied to the casting of dust into a well of agony,
Energy is the path of being. So destine is the ways of our feelings. Mentally projected after births of experience, our pounding on the door of awareness causes little. Our acceptance is a please if you get it young and are of the right humility.
Acceptance is the force of planets stemming around stars, like smooth rocks in streams.
But be hope ful and rejoice quietly, and find your own mosaic piece,
I will tell you this.. find your diaphragm, and try and stop it. Feeling the streaching of will, know the limits, and join with the rythem, as you go to sleep.
But know at that point you have to have a montra.
And that is the flow you live on.
The waves of planetary gravitational waves suggest astrology, and it is a still crazy land. Hemmed in by old money and long range drug smugglers. Its about people who would shoot you for saying UNITE to many times.

the toll&lt

Scene one Early morning Warsaw Poland ( a young girl about twelve. Dresses in a black knee high schirt. stands on the roof of the five story tenement.

Scene three Morning (Same building inside top floor ) a pregnant women totting two children and trying to get a baby carriage down a set of stairs, she is frantically yelling “ you little bitch get down her and help me with the babies !” in polish ,, above her is a ladder up to a small square hole. the sky shows the bombers.
back to the girl shaking her fist at the bombers over head, which are so low you can clearly see it’s markings .. (and what ever is pertinent about the bombers,) we can barely hear the mother yelling.
scene two. Early Morning rows and rows of drying china clown figures.. shake as the German bombers go on into Warsaw ,

scene four
scene five
scene six
scene seven ( girl gets kidnapped )

Final scene ( small grove of trees near what seems to be a fire lane) for it is a clearing and passed the clearing the tree are thicker..
the same little girl is holding a tree. her head bent to it in greif and tiredness. Just beyond her are American bombers. a black belly gunner can be seen clearly ,, it is dusk.

I have fifteen minutes and I have to go to the bath room what is tonight laundry,
yes laundry,, clothing so dirty that my skin in getting abscesses, needs to be cleaned. last night. a land of mystery and creation. A casting off of normal skin for the effervescent glow of imagination, and indebted interplay and condition.

it is another day, and again I am short on time, it is funny how it passes,,, two more weeks barely for this apartment without problems. problems come.. I don’t know what to do , but I feel like quitting this place quitting for the water and for the people for the lack of music and the killers of art..
My america is going to war , with me sitting herre fighting with my landlord, my private property legal statements. my life in conflict with my government, all over the world. and the rich are safe. terrorist are supposed to be coming.. panic is economics. I am so close ideally to making the next magazine. The time is raw to find something to ease the sence of the new world.
the war is not just going to be A war.. it will be a televsion show. sponsored by everyone. and American Broadcast Company.. namely ABC.. has a show Profiles from the Front.. and so many people are talking about Ninteen Eighty Four. I am hearing the world trying to go on..
this is my first war,, no.. I grew in the shadow of Vietnam. my Uncle died in it.. my mother cried over it.. and I am being silenced by it.. my anger with my america started long ago, Creating a system against the farmers, I saw first.. I lived in a little town in Pennsylvania, besides the river the Susquehanna. The way to school pasted houses under built on land that used to have fields, and apple trees, with small woods. and hills, it is soon I have to go to work.

hello new day
the hours of the day leave and come again. and leave , and here we are..
A friend said there would be a new, day. that was yesterday. And you know what. it was. and is.. i watched my computer go down. losing all my writings from the last year. all my programs and most of my computer,, as in all the functions, i cant get back,. I am having trouble. with my sound, and the tablet. i lost all the pictures, oh and all my video but i am feeling different.
Some one has sent me a email asking if i would like to have enough money to get my ass out of bellingham. he reads my blog, supposedly, but we do know really into a friend of mine who wont see him cause. he is old (her senior by twenty years) and silently manipulative. enough money as in just enough as in not enough to stop me from writing this. lol.
but then he hasn’t said hello to me other wise. I should publish his letter to point out how weird this makes me feel. one who think this blog is about me does not get why i write. i don’t believe there is a individual emotion or set of events that is just yours. as in what ever you feel it is part of everyone, and in that vein i write a lot without much concern, knowing the world is reading themselves, and that is part of humanity expressing the thoughts that exist. It is when we stop expressing ourselves that we give up. but without naming names, I say.. Just stop it. or offer me enough money to really do something. i did like his thoughts about going somewhere where i could possible do some real art instead of this town which is killing me. I guess maybe he cares. or not . but here i sit. Wondering about this all. and trying to get some grasp as in to my future. but nothing is coming. i am broken a little. and moving is not going to help . or maybe it will. who can say. i just need to keep trying .
Oh yea the new painting is made on Photoshop cs4 , and yes it can be blown up. and yes i do need money so it is available on t-shirts. lol..
A new day is everyday.

so many dreams but i got up to fast.
lollll. started looking at the tale of two cities.
lawance druell’s, Alexandria four top, is ugly, and like he would say, especially attracted for that reason. To see what is done with the subject. To watch as each moral. is defended against love and loving. the cruelty against the stability of this world. The summer was spent that way. my life has been spent that way. Escapeing into loving, to run from that which doesn’t leave as fast in my’ness’. For i love life first.
i love the way we can devote ourseleve to a dream and watch as the year create the impossible into the reality. for all futures seem a dream when we come from low birth. And only a one love is our hearts against all that says you should love what is, not what you create. and yet. buildings are dreams first. landscapes movies books everything is first a dream. The start to any road a dream first. Then as you move your finger along the road to surviving inside that love, much gets distraught for what you see with the blinders so tight. the thoughts of truth and love so close to be a cloak against what mechanics are not dream material. Robotic trainings that are not the ascetics of a warm flurry bunny.

I am not stopping to pre-write this, maybe i wont edit.
there is a movie. an older movie,, The Alien lady. We see her breast early, like other wise we might walk out.
there is a lonely house , and an important man, she is the wife, and we are not sure she is insane, but she is Passionate. Throwing away the dinner after he had only eaten a little. But he was late going home. A flat tire, the story advances. and Then.
A rainy night alone in the country, with no one around. the plot.., we are not sure, advances. Important man comes home, being driven by someone else, the guy that played Gandy. She see the approaching lights far enough in the distance to blow out the candles, and get a gun. Waits quietly behind the front door for her sight to clear. She sees the important man and eases her stance. but it is Ms. alien Dudette. and not much really changes. to bad she did shakespere and stage acting. talent is the ability to challenge sanity for possession.
It is twenty minutes or so into the picture and now we are starting to see. After she has stolen his car. his car, the drivers car.
I have give up on the film, the lighting to represent oil lamp. and the organge glow has already made me sick. the bad acting is completing it. as she does a monologue. to ben kingley.
Quickly , someone look up Schubert, Death of a Maiden, for after the breast we have another famous classic. The Balance falls somewhere between. The script is also giving way. But action is now theatrical, it will all be on location.
i should turn it off. but i am not.
Thinks i hate,, we are in rich peoples lives.
The lighting is to Created. A full moon light for outside scenes.
but the day proceeds. the Difference , the Plot so distant from my day. Though i have been cheating. being happy for a couple of days, new apartment, fixed computers, Good jam. holding love closer than for many days,
the pain of that is that i am poorer than yesterday, The morning has given me back to truth. not that it is opposite of love but i looked at crieg’s list. looked for work. saw two things i might like to have, i stopped . Wondered where my resume is.
That peice of paper that gives names and numbers, and times. the how long , and what was done.. Mine is filled with the sorted affairs each job has come to there is no referance to Depression. or that only the bosses who understood kept me around, and the most recent i left when i was yelled at, treated badly as in hired for other reasons than the job at hand, or hired for less money than union or less money than the system allows.
Bottom Feeders everywhere. Emails for 2 cents. Help Wanted posts to create emails lists. To give to Residence of Nigeria. No internet laws. I sell to you after i was bought from him. who bought from him,
the new world order never leave the ancient, without a credit line. an underworld is a force fed creation. you telling me whos money and life i live for. The one percent and twenty five. Watch as your caring becomes government only , we are left without a savior for we can no longer care personally. without a soul, cause when we work, we are not working for oursleves any more. each dollar goes to utilities, and without a job we are left to self create. So invention is demanded.
The Death Maiden tale. Is the lies in the lies. the facts made to cover the facts. Agian today, i am looking at myself and i am scared i don’t have the energy,, it was a long weekend. tomorrow is another day. talent is the ability to challenge sanity for possession.