Skip navigation

Monthly Archives: May 2010

what you know you hold and grin
the song of man is yet to sin.
what nobility our sufferance
in time for lunch.

I sit tonight and find a day of memorial.
a day known from living. I didn’t hear, except from me, a wish of well for Memorial day. There was no happy stickers or cards. No symbols of peace and love and no reasoning we should change to acknowledge the effects of the missed, who have given the “ ultimate gift”. No.
Except from ad consuls, and retails centers, only from the Bar down the street. Who’s next generations steam and tear themselves from childhood with alcohol and Live Music. Surviving sights as they sneak within the crowd those for whom the day revolves around, the ones that want to forget what is forever now, in their minds: the needlessness of death and killing. And for one day would it come true to believe we can make a promise of a life to agree. If happy Memorial day , meant not to need ,ever again, for memorials, that peace would come to an earth, with a simple agreement, that no more Blood be shed, Then there would be a market in gift cards with smile faces. Happy Memorial day.
But i listened as the night went on. somehow we had a dinner party and talked of the gulf coast, we talk of a why ,, funny, how we let our imagination run wild, with seven in a room, the gulf be came the fulfillment of the “X-files”, with the Black Alien virus looking like oil, getting distributed globally. “Who will know with a million gallons of oil as a mixer.”
the Oil which is going to work its way to every coast, into every bird and life form until we all know a hurricane could produce Oil from the sky, and Fires like never have been seen by the whole of the south, and all on the wind and rain lines of the gulf. It is a conversation going with salad and chocolate, It is a sadness , it is Memorial day, and i wonder at that point what we are memorializing. a next day after, the greatest Disaster the world has ever known. and it will not be over for years to come.
and i listen cause beside the “X-file” junket, i hear someone else say , the politics are going to change, the effect of a panic market is distraction and attention, the attention going to the need of global environmental clean up. the effect will push people over the green edge until the two major parties are going to back “off-grid” housing , and look they have all the companies lined up. Funny that.
One turn backs another, like Homeland security and personal rights going out the window after 911.
Conversations only , the world over, i would feel. accept those who are in memorial, Like so many have seen and remember. I saw a dolphin lying on the beach , and I remember watching the television in the 70’s as a Plane load of M.I.A.s filed down the steps, names being read and printed on the screen, None with the name of my grandfather Dugan, My uncle never came down.
There is a wall. There is a moment We Memorialize. And a reason, they would die so we can live, is an agreement that we will try harder to be more alive to peace. It is a responsibility loyalty demands.
the Party got heated, Around the last. The oil companies causing a disaster then being able to clean up on the other side after, for now you really don’t like oil.. they got
Solar,, also,, Beyond Petroleum
Memorials are to remember and never forget.
I am tired and that’s all you get.

to breath settles.
but it is a separation, it identifies, and filters. it is physical, and finds upper lands.

it is another day. you know what changes as the years go on. Intent and knowing intent. Questioning intent , feeling intent.
i know you got the idea with the first one. but that simple resolution changes the whole tone, intuition , happiness in Writing. I forget sometimes. the romance. for the less important reasons the least of which i lived on for more years that i meant to. picking up women in bars mostly , i can not help but saying disparaging things about my life and the living it has been, it is what adventures the mind runs in its foibles that keep us talking, so my mentioning of the sorted truths of a growing process should not be held against me, for which maybe it is only fear and guilt of the reaction inspiring you to stop reading, for which with my status , i deny to want. There is only you and i without you i am alone. but it is the trainings of the mind to accept our foibles. our insecurities, and it is to understand how they come about. that slow mercy of understanding past middle and now. Chemistry fitting into place after so many years of feeling answers and not listening.
I think it is funny to be having conversations about why we are depressed when the depression , like mourning is a creation of our thoughts. But thoughts can change with every thought, so approaching it with only thought is out of balance without a consideration of equality in reaction. the Body feeling is just as important and less apt to change fast. the reason we breath before everything.
I sit listening to a world that can be changed , and yet all the time i hear complaint. The Whys and the doubt of self. the unwillingness and opionion, and yet change is doing. breathing is change. i sit in a parking lot writing, knowing i feel the intent to write again, like there is only that and work is everything, Listening to a car alarm, it will go on until the battery runs out, but it stops after five minutes it might have been done to attract the police. the Lights are on, the computer is going everything smells, but I feel the definitions easier, what makes one happy is happiness no matter how performed in what state or economic condition. I feel intent, to tell the living in America, but yet like the purposeful car noise, I listen as they get in, they cast silence when they see me, and the girl must have thought my plugging in the electrical outlet bothered her car. Strange stoned gay parties,
the strangeness is that it was really done to effect me i think. but what do i let happen. I am using the car as an office. Until next week, i am living again. out of the range of criticism, for a range of belief and being for which if only the effect of creating a stir in the hearts and heads on the least of people. I am happy. there are few places i would rather be, maybe there are some place i would rather be, but when you go to the adsorbent cost of being anywhere, I break down now. there was once i time i would long for this road or that, and i do want to go anywhere really anymore. maybe to work. or to my office. the movement of mankind to understand thought and emotion is the explanation of intuition and emotions. Drive, for me, is only on that plane of consciousness, all else is give and take, and planning in civility, but what if civility fails Like Millions feel daily, the Proposed Greatness of Televised Standards.
Every channel reminds me of the movie V.
there we are being feed lines that lead into advertisements. Ophrah today for a moment. showing why she is the queen of fluff.. and we are average wanting only the end of time if we are silent.
but to be we, is to feel the joining. Today again i talked on the beach to someone. we were agreeing on the brain washing of materialism, the large car , the larger dog. the movement of having extra, so as to never to feel. as a definition and experience of Normal life. While yet, destroying all freedom for natural feelings for scheduled experience. Sufferance as way of life. If i am going to suffer i am going to choose me own. but as my brother says “if everyone did it, nothing would get done.”
But… i know i am not alone. i know we are coming to understand ourselves, in limited cornors, of a unitified mind like no other generation before us, the advancement of governments runs out of angles. And Socialy politically we come to agree and accept what we most hated years ago. we come to the lands of understanding our ugliness such to accept what cold remedies governments put on us, Corporations demand of us, and even as we say something is wrong we are turned into the problem for our sights can be placed in any direction. as intent demands and will recieves. we are the disjointed, dispirited, we are the polluters, we our the bankers, but each to its turn of thought equals also the meaning of thought. for we are also the enlightenment.
Ancient as time the study of nature. the meaning from a feeling the healing in common sence to equalize mental to the technologicalness, for it i am whole i mix all that is. I am all time with the creations of one understanding, one movement of self is a greater step of a proven reaction that we can change, but wathc were it comes from and watch what we do with it.
the Self help guru is yourself. and in htat, a breath can prove the spirit better that the chemicals system materialism creates, a sold artifice without cure, a half way to peace, store bought and level graced, for senators and dishwashers, just so you don’t admit something to yourself. dont rock the world you lhave always lived, always fullfilled through the visions and attitudes around you.
i am preaching this is not wriging.s. I am creating a magazine so i am walking many kinds of communication. the difference of tone, the analization of importance, and the need to feel at peace. Sometimes i believe a know is People are lazy, people inforce lazyness, and communists can not trusted, power can not be strusted, and I am going to get a bill written for the next issue.
DAY Off to vote.

and there again we talk. the day is spinning away and i think i am going for a walk. I often do not think i am as smart as i think I am. I have to remember why a lot, i know i just wanted a peace away from all i couldn’t do in New England, and yet at the same time i wonder what i am doing . the writing is coming along Daily i have spurs of emotion and leanings. but i look again at what that does my fear ever more impressed on me when i start feeling weak this system , if you read the last post. I have been listening and wonder about myself again, the little things of others. the lack of response of a one.

all week into the journal i have, with pen and paper remembered the words , I produce these essays of micro and macro.
these memories, and stories not of me and yet, all of me is them, and they are nothing. but the screams of the natural civility that knows to forget. they are being American, they are being , All systems are created equal. There are so many, Each is as Linear as the rest once understood.
I didn’t like system.s ,. Easy to understand and poor taste to look at.
I decided i had to write a book if i was to present my idle screaming to a crowded room. for whom ,as has been said, is lead by the nose through brainwashing and a mandatory ignorance. they are separate for me. I believe we have to want the brainwashing, it is what gives us a unity, knowing what the enemy looks like by sight. Or understand so little, that we fight for our blindness.
I base all systems against what they create. Capitalism is Usury. Progression gets only Business appeal and not governmental responsibility.

I base mental systems the same way,
this is my creation, I am in my car, economics colliding with ….?? the first step I would tell you is i smoke to much Marijuana, but after giving up alcohol, I have given myself over to love and self reliance. I have given my soul to music and a “bit of me “ for every soup. but I sometimes can not handle the pressure of every moment in this decline of mankind called america, I can not suffer the pains of such closed mindedness, such looking away.
Such looking inside. where there is no caring. There is no giving, we are alone. But the voices grow louder in my heart. In oppisite, inside me i can see we are not alone and all is as one. energy can not be but else. But they are not heard outside of me.
I was standing on a ledge today, I was coming to understand sight. I was seeing power and realizing powerlessness if i accept it. the lost of love the love of being in reverses to multiply into another day. My friend my love my hatred for letting close, my drama cause passion drives the nature not pretense, if one part of your life is unequal to your being balances what gratifies, and what accepts. fighting energy is wrong.
but it is to separate our forced knowledge, there is the movements of emotions and the movements of intuition. the two are separate and hard to decipher if not into the long ways ,, the breathing, the knowledge of metaphysics as engineered evolution, as nature; where all else comes to ends. my poet needing attention. L– has given me another lore of separation. yet i watch hers from an emotional level and a mystical one. we hate as deeply as we love.
I drive everyone away, It is me. but i hear, so much that is cold .. from people there thinking that the knowledge is something to know. some small key , when the small keys are just that, they cannot open what is happiness, cause they are not happiness, they are small keys, it bother me,, seeing each slavery in the name of ,, from some,, slavery is the name of …. from others….and escaping all that and giving to faith and energy,
but in that we have to be aware, for if we are not living our closest heart we are lost to the calling. systems have rules, I said it was easy to see a system. I was right. but denial is also my maiden name. and in that the escapes and immediacy of thought makes me also flounder in the innocents for an extra tie, as all love is based in money, either money to live it, or be it. Wealth comes from that. and kills it to.
to breath settles.
but it is a separation, it identifies, and filters. it is physical, and finds upper lands.

We, as in I am starting another in the long run of looking for writers.
Like me but better. I am the bar.
Enertical is going to print for the fourth of july. All submission should please be in small font. Pay is forwith,, as in If you will give for one year i will publish , and we will be gathering submissions so that the second year we can pay.. ,,
best offer i can make right now. but all Artist will get the Services of Kada ( web/flash/publisher/entertianer ) and entry into the Enertialcall Society.

Whole stresses bathed in a still developing centrifuge, Never stopping long enough from character, so alone and created around that. Sitting at the front of the house bores me.. people have mostly only sadness and few times wisdom such that to hear is to lower standards, so I don’t listen, I want only to do , be and forget there is other music, other choices as far as key and signature, tired of hearing the radio live presented by bipeds streaming originality for popularity, but is the jealous who make such remarks , and the almost oldest performer on stage to complain cause he can’t release, his stutter step an old foe he fights with to let go. Insecurity amassed to corrective labeling. The social context proud and straight backed, aloof, for he is always the outsider even as he knows he has no one to talk to and so much he needs to talk about. But can’t to
And the guitar is in my lap , and it is only twenty cds to sell. It is a number, it is nothing but.
And when you feel bold, when you feel the confidence, weather though weed or just through, the fight comes on. The all of thank god I know. The passion being fulfilled against the angst of the blood, for rise and wander, the hair the smile pretense for survival . Illusion such of misery hidden like the lamb wool skirt of the Prostitute in the cold.
Echoes of ageless ramblings, each explainable if people listen or accept ideas. So even to explain them means to explain part of me, you will turn your head like a puppy dog,, or totally get it,, with an allusion to the millions of other parts of bar talk and echoes of what really wont matter, cause you are not here. So lets not pretend to be ..
Lets just call it what it is,,
A movement to talk of the excesses of natural philosophy and determined accessibility. A Movement of light accepting the Common human sense of “Faith””god” Energy”. (OR FEG)
This is why I feel a certain I wont be accepted,, or really it is cause I don’t write enough for you, the passive listener,
there is that separation that sese character splitting apart.. it is a natural result of creation. Turned on and off, but eased into place like maybe a slider switch, Very analog.. on / off for work.

And a place to examine like the forests-ed trunk of old pains and crinks to a neck. A wandering outside. Almost while you know you lived it. The spirit seeing over the charater, for which as you walked in alcoholic dream, you saw only lust. And power, you saw desire and fulfilled expression,, I like to watch crowds in Washington, they look so calmly “into themselves”, those that survive here don’t waste much energy, , it is funny , the people from the town all have this certain slowness, even the most intelligent, seem to let other s come to a thought..

I have to get out.

yes I wrote today, a little more or less than what is becoming normal. as the house is gone and sanity is the fine line of knowing the fine line. We accept so much of civilization without question. We accept the shackles of shelter when we are single. Why? Oh yea i do remember liking showers many times a day more than once every two days or so. I say this is for who reads me , because i look at the stats, It is good to know i am so quiet against the mass of intellectual people out there figuring out their navels, and writing about it. It is good to know so many more people like to have some soft fluff to back a life of self indulgence.
So I spent the day writing. looking out on the bay like is my want right now. Trying to feel what i am to do. and all that comes is more of the same. explicit daydreams following my only leads, for represented is not equality and i can not compete with the vague and demoralizing ways of commonality. No, i say be extreme and think, follow the golden light that is your life even as things don’t seem possible. the possible is a created state, coming long after others have tried and failed. but move ground closer cause of it. We move forward on the bodies of the fallen.
I am reading the story of Dostoevsky, his life. the drunken epileptic lusty sufferer and his ideas for which are not his writing. I feel. it is good he didn’t realize what history would see of him. what i see, I see him training people for the wars against Capitolism, if only with Crime and Punishment. How reasonable it seems to destroy the old ladies, how perfect and truthfully correct that the Ursurpers should suffer. It was the statement kings had been afraid of and figured everyone was to stupid to understand, but they forgot aristocrats sometime get high on power changes.
We know the rich just moved quickly,
You will notice the ending of it with a bow to the church, but look at the time, feel the excitement, know we are in the sameness which gets me all excited and i live in my car. knowing there are things to do, places to go. Populus and metaphysically linked to our every breath we are in the mosaic , i feel you feeling it or i couldnt feelit. there is never a first. it is a left over plan of being , it is a question only americans can answer for we are not the sway of the Big church. I don’t remember if we even sent representatives to rome as we made our move against the brits. hmmmm what do i know but i like to think this is new, but it is not. the making of a real middle class is the conformity to what should be a standard for all. not the lead my the nose structures of capitolism, cause see what happened, if they can they will. until we are the only slaves in the world. the only country with out gpa and no socialized medicine or education. Amercians pay to breath , and create immigration issues to let in anyone willing to work cheap who has a college education. which we dont so we need. jbut every time the tech industry want more immigration, they collect programers and such from india.. (you know before they move there.. the government still has not put down the masses enough)
I keep writing out a business plan for the Enertialcall. involving Flash Ads for non profits that have none, streaming enertialcall Artists and selling the stream time. like,, eventually, or like automatically,, as in we advertise we will stream you. stream conferences, but more work on the organization of money for the idea, maybe even getting to the point of the first amendment. Imagine ” All Anti-Banker news” “Ways to cheat the banks into giving you money”
“Ways to beat the credit card companies” And “Steal houses” Make suggestions of truth and natural issues , like a full media concern, like a suggestion to create public schooling for half the cost of public schooling. ( buck Mister fuller 1965 Video schools) Like Raw food conventions for the FDA, and Acknowledgment of Global warming on TV.. A media concern that gives a shit and tells the forward thoughts on the matter. now repeating what this other exchange said. but new and independent.
To many facts of corporate concerns getting in the way,
Getting your interest ? mine to If so. but we would do more than that. we would search out the answers to question which bother us. Like how do neutrinos pass through our bodies. and if so are they good for us.
are they god?
the him as an energy bodyless like ourselves after. As the concept is mute. to any but the dieing, so let us live and teach it to greater and greater highths. and that i am thinking about. getting a space with an outlet so i can get back to streaming daily, making noise and Riot for the unspoken but common believes, and as i said before , someone got to do it. And America the only place it can get done.

What creations the artist get from the inspiration that we are starting to come to a whole concept of the spirituality. a concept excommunicated from the power structure.

We come to another day , the rest is quiet and I long to go to it. But for these words I would be at rest. Silent, except for the snores. I have not read a newspaper all week. Haven’t looked out into the world but looked again at myself all week. The tired man seeing he must try beyond his strength for to push proves life. And so , I started in a world this week. A large computer world, a place of people being replaced by poser images of people , a world of buildings, and places that can not be so over looked as being fantasy, for there are four million people coming to this world and in that there is something.
I have only started. but today I placed an ad to try again to make a magazine but there in the world unknown to the world real. Funny how so much energy can go into something that can be turned off with the computer. But feels so good. Like you had the money to go to clubs, to listen to entertainers, to met intelligent people , but they can not harm you. The ultimate place of safety with all the leanings except you can not touch anyone.. it is like heaven, and the ultimate reason why spirits come to earth. To touch and feel, to be young and learn, to make mistakes and correct them and finally to die with all those emotions given back to from whence they came. The world is Second Life.. A computer thang.. for it is not a game. For it would have winners and losers, it is a life. But you can not be touched. It is a humanity if there was such land to build on, such peace to spread. If only everyone would learn to let people live simple lives. You even work there.. I don’t have a job in SL yet but if you are reading this. Come play,, find me I am Kada Singh, also mention me to the game they will give me linden money if you join.. I will be performing there,, and I am still hanging out in the Lily Pad Lounge.

That was two days ago , and as I want to remain, so I should go on.
What phrase the mind goes.
Into the living I guess. The sight without end.. the only naturally mental event.
To tell of into tomorrow , Forecast from a Now. The good the bad and the ugly for time denies it’s a second.. and until that happens. ( people can of course live in the second as an ideology. Such ideas can change and realize life.)
But it pours from the mouth of the illegitimate, a child of independence and feeling orientation. A Man of his thoughts so binded. Only a feel can express . And we are never alone.
Ranging in the destination of humanity is a natural ability to see the second. Weather it is inspired of the causes of life. Or denied by the innocence of our recognition.
We are whole to a nothing a second is fast to..
So writes the maniac, with swollen arms from working with weighs like dish washers and refrigerators. With the pedaling stuff we collect out a sense of stability verses stability. Bounding house to home in the from of moving ( or birth ) a conscious elevation . either though civil wealth, for people mostly moved to a better place.
Without fail their eyes amazed at the amount of work setting up a life is.
To creating the ability to life weighs, my back against the wall for better support, lifting with my legs, which can stand more that any part of the body.