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Monthly Archives: September 2010

Out of the woodwork I find another group of people to hang with . To make a video with. To observe, while i observe me.
Another land where i am a stand out. somehow. shunned for..? i refuse pecking order? or ask for one? Maybe , it wasn’t enough for me to be part of creating a film i had to be respected? and i was not,, all i heard after, i stopped talking, was an actor speaking. changing lines. giving commands, “that the way it should be” i heard him say, the “I am wrightness. the authoritative “,, i couldn’t take it.
But there we start with a larger question, for i had to leave. i couldn’t take another time of being treated like i wasn’t smart or creative enough to be there.
I have a magazine to create , i have an album to create, or a band, i am working on a novel. I forget myself sometimes. and fade into roles ,, to have friends? is it. I get so lonely from all the years of really respecting writing and novels? respecting the muse with a sacredness of the abandoned. and is that even true?
Explaining self is not living it. and yet. i respect the explanation. I look at it to see what hope there is for me.
This is not the first time , i have cast bastards into the dislike category, but to blame it on the one. His name is so stupid. his music is pop and ignorant. .. and he is nothing but some punk ass kid.. but he is a controlling one. he is a back door talking one. He is a lier. I have never gotten along with rich kids or cocky street punks. I dis-evolve when i have have to listen to the sinister.
but that is not what matters. to tell of another, to tell of what i don’t really know, i admit, it is a feeling.
Then i listen to the other. the one with the theater i have been hanging out in.
And all this is only the fault of me..
what i see, the way i see it , and what i don’t see in my own creations of it.
oh the hours i have spent hating what is a normal day, the normal way people abuse and mistreat each other. but the victim i become causes my anger. Doesn’t let me cure problems. or accept i must cure problems, and that the cure is worthy of self respect sometimes,
and it is not that i lose myself , i just fade , and time becomes the all over everything i want to do. yet sometimes taking care of another is my largest dream. to be able to care it is the reason i like cats. and dogs animals. they either love or ,, bite you ..
but here again is a large crowd, five people is large to me. just enough to beat you up with no one on your side. five people can also be a subtle understanding. for which i didn’t get. some mentions on the side. when no one is around, the truth of the situation.
the greed of one leading. the other greed to be near the greedy.. lol.. no love or kindness,, all bitches , and the gang slang i hate for it’s pretend violence.
but sl isn’t class divided so i can not know if i would come to your neighborhood. for fear of “you might not like me”
it is an ego thing though, some balance must i reason out to myself. i feel like i can not see much of anything cause i don’t know weather i can really love.
we take apon ourselves the pains we inflict on others. even if we don’t meant to.
I get up set right now a lot. the mention of feelings. and i am crying into a hat, the days have become long, and the cleaning list, that surrounds me creating this dis-balence, can not be changed without changing where i am living.
but the reason ,i have not been able to join groups, is that there is usually one guy who thinks he is boss.. and if the chicks listen to him , he is. lol.
long story short.
i am glad they got it off and they did it. flimsey will take the credit. L.r will take the fame, lol. and everyone else will feel like they did a movie. i just could feel i wasn’t needed. because i wasn’t..
i am good if there is no egos there. better because i speculate on things. a man of action ,, more when i am alone. i wasn’t right to do this.
to get up another day, I need to know why a lot. each has only been some force of me, and yet, i can not see the truth , each love i have lost , has given me many more years of loneliness, then the ones before it. the last was one of the worst, i walk blindly into the romance watch all the triggers that said “you are not going to have a good time in this”. and yet, the sex,, all for some great sex..
I let someone not love me while touching me .
i have loved all , i stayed blind to parts of them. Or.
just came up with reasons why i wouldn’t like them. in the long run and staged it in my thoughts so that when it was over. after the awe of my magic powers to create the illusion of artist. for the reality of poverty and physical violence i try and hide, when i am threatened. the moment you can see, a certain shirking of the eeys , and they never look at you the same again.

the paranoia that lurks everyday, waiting. watching, you are going to do something to me , I can feel it.
I move on. you are going to hurt me, fool me, wait till i am not looking and steal my stuffed panda. Or pound me in the face cause i remember one fact from another.
what a child sees and never says,, for the words caught in his throat are the fires of estrangements. the i can not tell. the I should have said this l, done that . to figure it out.
the violence, i saw was from birth till fourteen, the sudden un forseen ,, at and early age, for later you came to understand. you saw it. .. the movement of the eyes the length of step , the speed, you got to even be able to sense what triggers it. like a man puppet. torn by a hint of the ineffective. like me, yesterday.
the room filled with people to learn from , but that i didn’t trust , not my ideas around , nor my personable love. they were quiet people and you couldn’t feel them, the one other i had known before that was the Lr person. . and he has been such a Second life pusher, I figured he had money around. but he sounds ,, as reports i get from the f— person,, that he is a street hustler, maybe i am wrong, but he came in like he had just read the Rolling stones thing. with this whole story about a national name,, and maybe he is ,, but still i don’t want my magic mixing with him. anyway,
there i have said it. I believe in magic, but not in manipulation to that i let feel the natural rules of metaphysics. . you know cause if you believe there is attainment, then someone has attained before you. so gods would be real. ,, as opposed to god.. as energy,, the true god.. formless and whole.
yea i don’t think i would let me in a room.

Silent Movie..

The dance of the Martyr puppets.
a June day in substance Ohio. the moon comes out early as the night approaches, sheila and sonny had sex in the park today, Edward read a romance book in the library of congress, the will was kind to the destiny , for some.
Others packed the last of the stuff they were taking. “The rest is all Trash. Let them clean it up.”
Around the corner, two men watch ” the kids haven’t been back for a week now.” they look over causally from the porch where they are having lunch , a remodel , the foreclosure markets spilling back in ., Remodels are in. As well as Reductions.. Pirate motivations, you can strip a house of all its wire, pipes,in three hours. “the sandwich Joan made is alright, today, lol.. god she does try”
the two women . stand one more time and look at the house they thought they had afforded. that it was safety and forever,
watching the moments pass in a second. , “a new york minute. fucken crazy” , she says to she.
There is no one to particularly ask what it was like that day, the moment so long ago. the future still just a thought, I have been sitting in limbo for twenty years. waiting for the innocents to return , You can not image how long it takes. the filling away of every guilt and martyred alibi.
it is a positive Innocent i need, not one of the purgatory man, the stealing of happyness, only from the wells of sex and drugs. or the emersion into arts. you know you can sing when you are stuck in being.
i will explain later more about that, god is comeing , or here,, oh ,
so what was i saying..
one has to figure out how to be innocent, in order to get a body back.
and what was the cause of your break down Jacob , do you remember,
i saw lights, they were asking me to come with them, but it was all so wrong. time wasnt moving. the being was not the ends equal.
you know it isn’t good to have dylexital .. or a.d.d. when you are a spirit trying to get back into body, you know ultimate innocents , I hear , is all about the focus, or at least that what the spirits say , the walk spirits say,, . they haven’t even made it to my level.
inanimate nature, is one of the last steps. You know.. so it wont be long now, if i could only,
When i said. there was to only be two left over when we were done ,, i meant, it ,, you never listen, the pains in my heart are only what i am trying to save you from.
a slapped face.. the child looks back, after pulling up his face. only for a second to see if there is one more coming . Did he not shut up in time. did he, do the impossible and just live for a second, be free to not lie for a moment.
we get around edges or we suffer though the tearing of our hearts , where there is only willing love to be involved with , the graces of abstractions demand the individual attentions. and so to see the future with as much hope as comes.
of the illusionist grasps.
No one cares what i like , I am nothing, it is a form of knowledge one comes to understand , and fight. i guess, maybe there is no more exposures of innocents, no more to tell of the lonely road, or the impassioned kiss on the steps of midnite and a closer lover than ever.

buddhas coming. .. wow,,
i can not see innocence enough.

Full ViewNews Alert: BP Says Limits on Drilling Imperil Spill Payouts… News Alert …Add to ContactsTo:enertialcallis@YAHOO.COM Breaking News Alert
The New York Times
Thu, September 02, 2010 — 9:33 PM ET

BP Says Limits on Drilling Imperil Spill Payouts

BP is warning Congress that if lawmakers pass legislation
that bars the company from getting new offshore drilling
permits, it may not have the money to pay for all the damages
caused by its oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

The company says a ban would also imperil the ambitious GulfCoast restoration efforts that officials want the company to
voluntarily support.

answer from the people..
Fuck um take all assets of the bp America. as the fine..
where is the 20billion?
You know now if you do not make Fines,, and ask the company to volunteer that gives the a chance to complain.. Law law law thats why we have government.. ( without the should be too of it all) the Fine for the clean up should have been 20 billion.. for the state. and another 20 to 40 billion for all claimates. I paid 2600 for a DUI, and i was sleeping in my car.. sound familar,, I think the people say “Gett um” we pay and pay,, while they collect with our blood in Irag. We guard pipe lines in Afganistan, fuckum take it all over.
we will use the profits to prophet.
i dont care if i spell right , this is nuts. these people are complaining they can not pay. our economic system is not in the handsof the right people. If we dont consider this an act of global enviomental terrorism, what is oh yea its not terrorism if it wears a suit. and says i am sorry..
we should have left bin laden off with a note from his mother.. “I didnt mean to tell those other kids about the corporate controls going on everywhere. with american puppetness for the global one quarter percent. i havent said anything since around mothers day , i thought i should, i have been quite since obam to office. thinking wait with the reporting form the unemployment lines. and the dysfunctional behavior i am coming to after three years unemployed, its my fault i am insane, right. oh there we go.
we think the world is fine. It is us, and we as martyrs for the cause, go and scream change to ourselves in back rooms and closet spaces. But we are just people who worked for a living, a simple living. not greedy enough to over burden the system with clever cheap ways and unmoralistic deformities to the common environment, We are the “show up people”. but we are also. the most intelligent people who realized we only needed “this much” to survive, and when that wasn’t enough anymore we went underground, and when that wasn’t enough we are the now Transient , and the Survivors when before we were poets and artist. we were thinkers. On the meanings and Truths,, not the advancement of personal fortune, we are the gold of the mind people and creative doers. Now , we are called home to the reality it is that the people control. the people control , the meanings left to themselves as poetry comes from misspellings..and alluded to symbolism.
and yes it is me who has to change. me to know the environment of change is the environment we live, but why can not i see a model of peace to change to.. where is the definition of good health when the world is not of good health, the world. the petty corporate survivalist who act like dummies when it goes to shit. like the final years of whats his name. (I really cant remember telling someone to deliver coke for weapons. ) or Like the LIes, and unhanded dealings of Bp (Saying they are poor without new contracts. we should close them down , all fossil fuel ,, take them over for mismanagement,, and National security) and the whole over-site federal backslapping. All reported straight enough that i heard them,, hell, in the early days of the Horizon Disaster, Haliburton was on scene at the time of the explosion.
the Bp Disaster in the gulf coast. is only one of a handful of mismanaged project in the world. we should put Americans to world. with government take overs of factories. and companies to change the global Amercian over to self sufficiency, off the grid , no more grid. the grid is a creation of control. an old system someone is trying to keep.( i think it is to turn us off when ever they fell like it.. lol.. but the tech has been there for thirty years. when we can and have the technology to create off grid houses., schools. cars, the change is going to be huge and if the next president doesn’t do it the next one will. or i will if i could get over the low class middle birth, and the hatred my thoughts form with any scheduled event.
I am going to be forty five in a couple of days, two weeks really
and i will tell you later of the complete innocents, i feel , even while looking at my own sistuations. and drives. the change of “working” on myself until you look up one day and say,,

“what was wrong with me?” oh yea,, its what they call “chance of birth”. you tell me if that is not an elephant i dont know what one is.