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Monthly Archives: May 2011

It is another day , the Washington rain is getting into my neck , the homelessness is starting to piss off the friends I have here, I guess I don’t handle it well, either. I guess all my friends are occasional acquaintances. Like we all become to each other as the fortunes of our own creations leave us standing needing. Like no shower, and no place to sleep, creates a ground for dismissing people who can not take care of themselves no matter the reason.
Its funny through the closest friend I have said last night, she only fulfills external responsibilities. , and I knew it before. She is really so alone inside that to share is a threat to the inner secrecy she demands. to function, like if people knew they would react differently ,and so it becomes common that we don’t talk and things end up in a quagmire of misunderstandings. And you are afraid to bring up what you are thinking.
But I have come to the point where I see what she is saying , I have again become a burden on people. My second week has just ended in the car. Well really a week and a half, I don’t want to go back to the Farm, I don’t want to repeat the Leaving thing. The packing thing, the Yelling thing. And ever since I came to this little town with its impossible arrogance, and small town appreciations, i have only seen the economics. But now I am not sure I can go any where, my head is stuck with a pain, as in I have learned I have osteoporosis, which flares up living in the car. I have not sleep well for three days, and going on four, five. . Each day is becoming a tired event, and although I always think better when tired. I am also more needy. And less willing to take the risk to move on, for fear of not knowing enough to get by, the shower, is free here, as in I have more free passes. I know where to get passes. And the car is so filled I wonder what to get rid off. But really I don’t.. want to get rid of anything Having only essentials of Street perform and the Publishing computers.It just needs to be better packed but I need to go to a money place, forsaking all I have created here. New friends. the common knowledge of me. As a worker, for small jobs. An artist, a friend. I will go somewhere to be a stranger again. A talker. Who points to a magazine/website which is never in front of the street conversation. . For which needs only this. This which comes and goes. This this office, which you cant get without a job.
I am alone and know it again. Mankind seems to unite only for selfish pleasures, Parties are more important that creating a living with a common unity principle. An economic organization of strong minded people who are willing to be alive and reactionary, like we still have only one life in the adventure. But that has been drilled out of people , and I am the model they point to. I guess I have never been good at staying around. At being happy with what I have. . or maybe I am to happy with what I have. As in I carry it with me, in my heart more than my material. I have good philosophies, and defeat hypocrisy, but that to, will get you on the outside of the fence. For civilization is a system of hypocrisy. i don’t tell on you , you don’t tell on me, as me live our bestial concerns more than a true muse and love of live. And we in that vein are stable , and entrenched. we are the enemy of the adventurous, though we applaud from the edges, while we are the lions and people of true strength stand at the colluosium floor to reach for life by fighting a stable death,

Yes I am still creating the magazine. Each page was a major project before, as I would slowly create a piece of individual art. With words and others peoples art. L—doesn’t understand why I would want to create it. I do it for your children and mine, to forward the concepts of the masses to find enlightenment In this time that demands we transcend the old and fill out our knowledge with the outside of the box definitions and responses.
It is funny though, for when I am in trouble as in now. I have always tried to stay sober. And yet, I drank and had a black out. In my heart I know what happened I was subconscious holding back so much , I was thinking of all the crimes against me that I was letting unresolved. And said fuckit.. I couldn’t hold back any more with an over baring landlord who asked for community while over charging, and under fulfilling what promises he made. So there was a breaking point. And I broke. But it is not just him.. he is meaningless to the pain of the last few years. The overbearing economics the pain of a banking system that is destroying an American hope and freedom that was. The environmental disasters, the nuclear disasters. The many homeless, and an education system which demands adherence while creating a lend lease program for the soul. Are you free in debt? Is Debt freedom? As all this comes down to a point of understanding a soul which lives to see. A soul which looks to understand, first self then system, self only comes secondary, a self which finds divorce, child abuse, addictions. A self which can not see for all the burdens thrust onto its shoulders instead.
And then Looking at my self. To see the muti-talents one needs for that self, and yet, still ends up just need system . We are all alone, the families are our hope and without them we are messy, then I have taken it a step further, for where I have friends who operate as a limited family are all in foreign lands now. Over the internet we share points of our lives but to touch is the only communication we understand, picking bugs really from each other s hair the touch we need, settling for else has become the whole, it is like paining on a computer. Somethings can not be replaced no matter how out of our need we try.

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Excesses implied over innocence,
sadly , pedals falling
where pride enforced ego
is only now, a tide of bloomed tidings.
a wash where would be
what.
for one is, what one needs
the caring for self so immersed into survival
we never fail.
never hurt, never suffer,
it is all of just one to see, consuming the bud of nectors which remind, as ancient is the tide there is the light.
exchanging water for ground , and again, air for water for ground to green to flower to bloom from ground to water to air.
it seem highly regular to comment on the politics, on the news , global concern and arrangement.
with what voices heard, in an endless coming and going of flowers.
what veins and nerves, match. what ground environment disrupts or enhances, What ego for area, what the spreading of the uncared for. the vine cares not its shadow.
for left alone in its isolated place, with acres of grandeur to rule and reign in all others..
seems so “appropo”
and of conscious same , living flesh flower.
so much we are not told and only known from the bloom
of air, water ground ,
enough for us to live voiced sounds.

nothing to do but rite.

the last of the Deed , a pain in the tooth, i have known about for a while and waited until i couldn’t bare it any more, and now the other teeth are having their revenge. a nerve ending is bothering , or i am bothering it..
i find no celebration the witch is dead, the wicked witch, the witch is dead, after the fact with planning,, how do you corridor off times square for a celebration so quickly.
in American politics it was a good time to call for a different Motto. you know with the Riot in Seattle resolving nothing toward WTO ends. Or Wait…
so world politics are often demeaning just to keep it happy.
sitting in front a school children..
reading.
grassy knolls
says its OK.
lol.. and nothing to rite. as plants are mine own to care, and tend, to water and let for the earth, i need the motion and wonder weather i should have become a writer like all the old hours endlessly pushing buttons, against the actions, hearts are made mighty with. No action No Theater can i get into. or is that just a muse also.
L asking me what i want.
i say to write but to write is not enough to live.
one doesn’t live to sit in a small room , and such with the graces of self to look into larger rooms, escaping with the image of another room, a perspective changing and finding roots, where all is a glance in the other way.
it is funny but to see is to know, to realize, energy nature wins out. Energy holistic, astral travel and an aware human mental clarity,, for Free but as we don’t talk of it. It doesn’t exist. yet is a changing point of path and personal nature. To feel the energy is to consume and acknowledge our common innocents. “these are ugly words with out garnish, please complain to the head waiter”
what will with nature to look where else but what has already been is , and never leaves.
to mention this is to say, I had the tooth removed, the direct after a glistening effect from the props department who specialize in interesting gadgets was a peace. Delirious .
to walk away is sanity , for else but a second does it take and a world of practice is it to maintain. Such from the memories of what ego has become, as apposed to desires and focus. How to give to a situation was to loose that same world with one more ounce of what it is to love.
and easily do words pour when there is no one to control or push them around, no one to exchange your innocence into a life long measure of doubt you can not control , except to feel it. but one more penny make does the laughter return, thinking . Walking what steps one does to see anything in long hand.
Reviewing consciousness, approaching the first lever, to a thing, which for the blackness of it, rested quit comfortable in a wet dome with all the other miss placed hammer.
Next to the first is another The chameleon-like tooth next to the one just removed ;a brother in arms, has one little dot. I think it is a contact wound, . I let this physical suffer, what torments ambition reveals.
Caught with nothing we turn to the next. The next layer. the next thought.
for thinking about how to write is also one of my vices. to care about the story to the point. the plot ,arranged and disposable with a click and paste. is the end of the “nine one one challenge”, as irony rules with its handiness.
what warning to the terrorist, “we had your boss for almost a year,taking down names and numbers.. lol..”
there is a pain where my tooth is . I don’t know. sleep. yes. after a while. to dream.. hehehe.
“so the trees in the marsh are grander than last year.”

“really”

“yes , it is like i see them different, each successive year”

“or perhaps its cause the moss grows, and your eye sight gets worse”

“Burns, never came after that year he left the Military”
“no, Nothing really mattered much then”.
“they said he got a cold the first winter back , and still just stayed at home until it reached pneumonia.the with his last meaning of strength he goes t the hospital. and asks for a pill. they laugh at him and put him in a bed for a week.”

Another day.
and to some I am worthless.it is funny how the living is to moan for approval. the telling being to much to be consumed. I know you can not understand the innocence. in that i can not really help. in fact, what is pertinent to humanity is the whole of the personal fight, the personal real world we are to understand. Through our traumas we come to feel our strength, and only that way. All others bare no feeling. and have no true cause. Every trauma victim knows to help another is god. to help with a thought sublime. and unstoppable. Like Whispers in a political prison.
to feel is all there is to to see. a nature tellings would be through the unskilled, the uneducated, the un conformed to“reasoned” logic. for logic uses facts, if we can argue about a fact what good is logic.if it is left to argument , not agreement. we will never feel our way forward.

We are our perspectives and intuitions. Many have been saved at the last moment. just because they were able to realize energy over physicallity. my body can not withstand the tortures of economics. can not stand in love with the calling of civility, there where civil has become death to others. Where vivl has come to conclude our spirituality in a cross or a turben, for which i will gie equality right now , of all folkstories are short lived truths.
but being accused from a close source of my worthlessness, i remember I am, hopefully. I am worthless as we all are part of the endeavor we are energy toward the end and can only be the truth in each and every one of us. but at my age and calling it is but my ego for which is useless, the character one appraches in subconscious exposure of a whole element is anenergy must be to preceieve the difference.
To stand is all i ever wanted. there is not better better best when we are looking to cure ourselves of the menace of humanity. The Civility of child abuse, and prostitution, or Wealthy gluttony off a systematic abuse of the “lower classes by creating a debt. which destroys our infrastructure to pay it off .
but i got beyond myself. I am going to start writing one day the innocence bleed from my heart
as age creates trees.
but for what is worth. the landscape filled with the golden complete. so studied and effect to righteousness with ambiguities, and overly repeated stories of power and vice. Their tormenting guilt’s which want only to play further on. Check the thought patterns of each televised version of events. let nothing get through that demeans nature’s renewal, Vote DEmocratic, vote for A day off to Vote.. Vote for a elimination of governmental credit. OUr system of government is bankrupting the average person by depleting funds for health and services.. can you see that. like a mortgage gone wrong on the whole country. just like every other nation in the world.. the wto. and the organizers. have just made amercia, like every other third world. poor and in debt. Which creates a slave state to the creditor. Debt is not freedom.
but i am not that way, I am insane and gladly take the title. For saneity seems wasted on the numb.