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Monthly Archives: September 2012

so We have written this last year. Trying to cover as many of the hours i have lived as well as the stories that have created the minutes i have lived. Much has happened to the world and to me. Less to me, but what could you expect, I laugh at my omissions, but have seen much about what I feel. What has created this world i have lived. The years, from youth to adult hood to this, this final realization of end and importance, i don’t think i really ever felt before.
the end is the summation of all the days until. The strength of self motive for the time yet remaining before a question is answered, a question i feel closer to with each body acke, tooth pain sore muscle, each age reclaimed creation till the dirt. From that perspective I come to see also all i am, in this smallness of being. A fact i hold onto more than if i had been different. I have not been normal. I have sacrificed self for the feeling of self, for which a system doesn’t allow as much as if freedom was really the curse and not the path of the true living innocence. The courage to live is the hope of the future and path of understanding the self, this seed of created life, Spiritual innocence is a self evident path few walk; the accepted retardant of the artist. But we walk that we can teach, to transfer that knowledge into the direct conscious culture of modern times. It is the path of the abused child, the trauma survivor, the path of health beyond medical historic system for now. It is the Om. This pre-theorize discovery creates a fine line of understanding on a mass level if only to fulfill the hundred monkey elevation. As such i celebrate my birthday. one more moment for which is another new year concluded and gained. I have tried to describe the changes i came to understand. I don’t know if i have really done that.
So lets do a little recap of the mental exposure i have felt. You see I was developed in the innocence of loud voices and violence , creating a person, the seed, of being , subjected to life. a living fostered only to repeat if such is left without change, maybe it was the path to fulfilling what is successful in life. Much of living is only that. the bowed head of many of us is relevant daily, bowing to system, to economics, to the boss, to controlling forces, I was raised a proper slave, but inside i wasn’t satisfied, my ego and need for discovery personal and universally i felt inside, but I couldn’t break the system i became, I wasn’t lead down the path of personal self creation, no system of self discover was allowed me, except how much personally we have, if i made a personal decision it was control and that control was pain physical pain, and so i learned that the system created only physical pain if you choice for yourself. Personal choice equaled physical pain.
I ask you to remember we are talking of the subconscious seed . A second personality we can not see Freely. and that which only a change of perspective can relieve. I do not agree with the reasoning of the statement and yet do acknowledge philosophically, and politically, but surface(external) pain and inner pain are two different worlds. the interior world lives without you, the second life has to be understood as important and the drive for which this is written, the explanation only a self view can lend.
This Ill logical live response has always effected me, this year has proven me that from which i suffer, and yet i only got the time to see it through the total rebirth by a total self sacrifice, living on the streets has given me a freedom to self understand, a path of understanding how i feel. to feel is to live, to not feel is system. the separation revolves around low cost living, taking survival only from the most meager of means, a fact i have never personally felt accepting of in the past, I was longing for better all the time and yet never accept the truth of myself. in the drive I have been able to feel myself from a subconscious spiritual effectiveness. the life of the searcher. It is the life of the found. for what is is always, like heaven can not be separated from living if it exists at all. like dreams are only the living, and living is a dream. fantasy is the first step toward living, reality is a question of personal choice and the courage to discovery. These words are the evolution sponsored by the technological discovery. Never has knowledge been so prevalent, with knowledge and focus change comes, weather system likes it or not. we will evolve but to know our path is a question of time and consciousness.
Once we look at the facts of personal evolution, the next place become where do we want to go. in that love and happiness come. as in what is health mental and physical, for we are finding more and more stress is the killer, pain is the killer. so perspective is the savior, in that also comes blinders. a free consciousness is the whole we have inside, but we can live without a morally “sustainable” conscious, in fact the wholeness of system supports not looking outside of personal life. but like my brother would say even a killer can think he is morally correct for a while. As in the monsters of the banking industry, the oil industry the fracking industry, all break down the meaning of “reason”, economics is an insanity. and avarice creates pain. These ,in consciousness, are unstable causes of global ruin.
Greed and ego are ruining the earth, blindingly obvious ill-reasonable characteristics of big business are creating the replications of that consciousness of our big business class and our children. our systems consciousness become the survival of the children we create. it is the subconscious effect i am talking of , it is the subconscious life i am , self discovering as my point of change.